
Today in the library, I saw a boy in a black red checked shirt. It suddenly reminded me of you. Or to say, I've been always remembering you. Even though I force myself not to think of your name for a long time.
You know what? French is just not as difficult as I've imagined. You were right, that I could really make it, even without you. In the morning I don't oversleep. In the weekends I go to the library and devote myself into study for a whole afternoon. I had done this last semester for you, for your saying "I'm proud of you", but now I have already realized that, before making everyone around proud of me, I should make myself proud first.
In the evening riding back from the library, I can see all those shining stars in the sky when I raise my head. There's always a brightest one, which I call "my guiding star".
I gradually begin to date with different boys again, mostly because of loneliness. Just like that kind of person who you used to look down upon, horny like shit. However, to be honest, you know that I'm actually not a bad girl; I'm just a common person with lots of flaws.
You have been always marvelous in my heart. He said you didn't deserve all this. I know he said that because he cares about me. But I also know he was wrong, because you do deserve. You really do. I know I'm thinking too much. I'm making myself overwhelmed. But there could be only one end, only one, which has turned out to be a total failure. Then what does the process matter? Failure is not the beginning of the story, nor is it the end of the story, but the full story.
I used to call you if I was wronged, even though it barely happened. Now I still suffer wrongs, but without your companion and comfort. All I can do is self-healing. I have so so so much to tell you. Sometimes I can't fall asleep the whole night, and I grab my cellphone as ever, wanting to send you a text, yet find out that I've already deleted your number.
There's a place inside, where you might never be able to reach. That is my pain - only of me, only for me. I thought I would be safe there, not being hurt and deserted. However, finally it just turned out to be a world in which there is no place for me.
Now it's going to be a brand new semester, and you should be in the south campus. You will have all the good and bad in your life, accompanied by the girl I've never met and known.
As if I have never got close to you.
Sorry, I can't write it in Chinese. It hurts. Thanks to all the people around me, for having always been standing by my side and trying to support me. I'm terribly sorry for making all of you worry and dispute.
Good night, my dear D. I care about you.
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